8.09.2010

Davey Lopes, 1986 Donruss Diamond Kings (Atrocious Diamond Kings Week No. 2)

Name: Davey Lopes
Team: Chicago Cubs
Position: Second base
Value of card: A king's ransom (if the king were broke)
Key 1985 stat: 537 slides
What makes this Diamond King so atrocious? Davey Lopes was a formidable base stealer into his old age, but that doesn't justify this terrible illustration. First, there's the giant grandma afghan draped behind Lopes' massive head. What was the artist, Perez, thinking? "Well, the Cubs colors are red, white and blue, so let's throw in a giant splotch of purple." Hideous choice, Perez. Then there's Lopes' wraparound mustache. It's so big, it frightened mini-Lopes, who had to slide beneath it. The rounded mullet is pretty good, too, because most people's hair cascades into a dull, perfectly formed oval. But let's re-examine mini-Lopes. Sure, he has a jawbone-to-jawbone mustache, but other than that, he doesn't much look like big-head Davey. Yo, Perez, maybe keep their hair colors the same? Just a thought. Oh, one more thing: Lopes didn't wear a white mouth guard; he had teeth.

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