8.08.2010

Bryn Smith, 1990 Donruss Diamond Kings (Atrocious Diamond Kings Week No. 1)

Name: Bryn Smith
Team: Montreal Expos
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Let's just say it should be called a Cubic Zirconia King
Key 1989 stat: Zero other decent players on Expos
A fitting beginning to Atrocious Diamond Kings Week: What makes this Diamond King so atrocious? Where to begin. Let's start with the man himself. Who is Bryn Smith? No idea. Maybe he's Bryan Smith and Donruss, in the company's infinite wisdom, forgot a letter in his first name. He appears to be a pitcher - a really, really old pitcher. Start counting the wrinkles on his face and neck. One, two, three ... 613, 614, 615. OK, stop. Imagine how many there would be if that streetperson - or streetsweeper - beard wasn't covering three-quarters of his face. Well, at least the Expos' uniforms are attractive. Ummm. Let's move on. The shapes behind the mugshot illustration are works of art - if you're hallucinating after chewing 20-year-old baseball card gum. Does this card have any redeeming qualities? Well, no, but the paint splatter in the card's border is probably the closest thing.

Card and idea submitted by Greg Schindler

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1 comment:

  1. It's criminal Tim Wallach was never "honored" with a DK while with the Expos. They did put him on a "Canadian Great" in the '88 Leaf set, but still, the Greatest Expo of All-Time should have been a DK at least once.

    Frankly I see it has a not so subtle shot at Canada. "Canadian Great" Tim Wallach may be the best you people have up there but, in America he sucks. Donruss deserves a punch to the face for that one.

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