7.15.2010

Bryant Young, 1994 Upper Deck Heavyweights (Football Friday No. 46)

Name: Bryant Young
Teams: San Francisco 49ers, Sandy Skins beach team
Positions: Defensive tackle, seaside quarterback
Value of card: 18 grains of sand, pulled from between the cheeks
Key 1993 stat: 44 touchdowns thrown (in meaningless games on the beach)
It's time for a football pop quiz; please remove your shirt:

Why is the fat white guy running at Bryant Young?

(A) He's an Upper Deck employee, and he's trying to save the company's reputation by stopping this card from making it into production.
(B) He's blinded by lust, and is trying to grab a couple of pineapples.
(C) He's an actor, inserted into the shot by the photographer to provide scale to just how buff Young is compared with an average middle-aged white guy.
(D) He's the photo shoot's oil boy, and beachgoers are about to be disgusted.
(E) He's a Fruit of the Loom lawyer, and he's serving Young with a cease-and-desist order for copyright infringement.
(F) None of the above.

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