Dan Dierdorf, 1979 Topps (Football Friday No. 42)

Name: Dan Dierdorf
Team: St. Louis Cardinals
Position: Offensive tackle
Value of card: Two 99-cent cheeseburgers from a Dumpster
Key 1978 stat: 22 pancake blocks (eaten in one sitting)
It's an offensive (line) pop quiz:

Why, oh why, is Dan Dierdorf despondent?

(A) He's looking at his stomach.
(B) His bulge's width is overshadowing his bulge's length.
(C) Despite his haircut and mustache, he was cut from the Hall and Oates tribute band, Brawl and Goats.
(D) His "Dierdorf on Golf" straight-to-video instructional series was eclipsed by a smaller gentleman.
(E) He has more chins than a ... what was that joke?
(F) The Nintendo Power Glove he's wearing is too tight.
(G) His dreams are filled with Dick (Enberg). Oh my.
(H) All of the above.


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