Chuck McElroy, 1992 Studio

Name: Chuck McElroy
Team: Chicago Cubs
Position: Relief pitcher
Value of card: Two used contact lenses, rubbed in dirt
Key 1991 stat: One turtleneck worn, 162 games, 162 lonely nights
Script from Acuvue Moist Contact Lenses commercial, circa 1992: "Hey there, sports fans. I'm Chuck McElroy, a mediocre relief pitcher for the Chicago Cubs. As you can see from the photo behind me, I know something about wearing massive, hideous, windshield-size glasses. I'd wake up every day with neck pain. I'd get laughed at in pool halls. Teammates started calling me 'The Engineer.' It was no walk in the park. (Cut to shot of Wrigley Field.) But then I got Moist. Acuvue Moist Contact Lenses, that is. (Cut to shot of McElroy winding up and throwing a package of contact lenses at the camera.) Take it from a career 38-30 middle relief pitcher with mediocre facial hair to match a mediocre arm: When you get Moist, you get in the game."


1 comment:

  1. Looks like he chose his own blow-up funeral portrait 40 years in advance, "just to be on the safe side".