5.24.2010

Todd Helton, 2004 Fleer Legend

Names: Todd Helton, Giant Head Todd Helton
Teams: Colorado Rockies, Colorado Rockies' Team of Giants
Positions: First base, skyscraper
Value of card: Head's side of a penny
Key 2003 stat: One noggin the size a Jupiter moon
Conversation between Todd Helton and Giant Head Todd Helton:
Giant Head Todd Helton: Hey there, buddy. You're lookin' pretty good.
Todd Helton: Um, thanks. Where did you come from? You're a massive head.
GHTH: Don't worry about me. Let's talk about you. Those are awfully strong arms.
TH: Well, I work out a lot. Wait, how am I talking to a giant head that looks like me?
GHTH: Shh, shh. Don't be nervous. Look at those thighs on you. I bet the ladies love them.
TH: No one has ever complimented me on my thighs, humongous head. And, frankly, you're starting to creep me out.
GHTH: I love those sunglasses on you. Look: I got the same pair. We're like twins.
TH: We're not twins. You're a head the size of water silo.
GHTH: I'm just a big admirer of yours. Can't you see the love in my eyes?
TH: This is starting to get awkward.
GHTH: Nonsense. I see you won a Fleer Legs award. Well-deserved.
TH: That's "Fleer Legend." The rest of the word is behind my calf.
GHTH: I'd sure like to suckle that calf.
(Todd Helton runs away. Giant Head Todd Helton begins to cry.)

Card submitted by Patrick Cant

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