5.20.2010

Marvin Jones, 1993 Pro Line Portraits (Football Friday No. 39)

Name: Marvin "Shade Tree" Jones
Teams: New York Jets, Oak Branches
Positions: Linebacker, shade provider
Value of card: Four twigs, set afire, stomped out, and then buried
Key 1990 stat: 48-inch girth
Marvin Jones' stream of consciousness, 10:12 to 10:14 a.m. Aug. 15, 1993: "I can't believe these Pro Line idiots made me climb a tree. OK. I get it. My nickname is 'Shade Tree.' But this demeans me and my on-the-field accomplishments. And it's such an tired pun. What does he mean my Zubaz pants are clashing with the foliage? These are the most radical pants on the market. I wear them everywhere: the locker room, the club, MC Hammer music videos. I'm not taking them off for anyone. Good thing I wore my bodacious high-tops today. They're great for climbing trees. Wait. Why am I perched in these branches, staring toward the horizon? These Pro Line photo shoots are ridiculous. It's not like they'd make Mark Clayton climb a goal post or have Charles Mann take off his shirt. Hold up. Did that guy over there just make a 'Roots' joke? I oughta ..."

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