3.31.2010

Nolan Ryan, 1992 Upper Deck Checklist

Name: Nolan Ryan
Team: Texas Rangers
Position: Ace
Value of card: One childhood portrait of Matt Damon
Key 1991 stat: Two respresentations on this card alone!
R.I.P. Peter Graves: With apologies to Captain Oveur and the geniuses behind "Airplane!" here are the top 10 things we imagine Nolan Ryan saying to the little brat in this illustration.

10) "Joey, you ever spend any time in a minor league locker room?"
9) "Do you like it when grown men put people in headlocks, Joey?"
8) "Joey, have you ever been to a sausage factory?"
7) "Joey, have you ever played the hot corner?"
6) "Would you like to see the Ryan Express, Joey?"
5) "Joey, you ever seen Mookie Wilson naked?"
4) "Joey, do you spend much time around silicone rubber?"
3) "You ever eat a lizard, Joey?"
2) "Joey, can you explain the infield fly rule to me?"
1) "Joey, have you ever given a sumo wrestler a sponge bath?"

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