Chuck Nevitt, 1994 Upper Deck (Basketball Week No. 1)

Name: Chuck Nevitt
Teams: San Antonio Spurs, Ripley's Believe It or Not
Positions: Center, Orbit
Value of card: It's sky-high
Key 1993 stat: 112 inches, 112 pounds
Welcome to Basketball Week: If you're like us here at the Bust, your tourney brackets are somehow already ruined. (Stupid Winthrop. We thought it was their year.) So take a break from the Madness and enjoy a little mockery of really tall men who could beat us up.
That's one tall son of a ...: Sure, Chuck Nevitt is tall. And yes, ladies, those legs go all the way up. Standing at 11 feet 4 inches, Nevitt was a defensive force in the NBA during the late 1980s and early 1990s. The problem was, he couldn't move. Spurs coach John Lucas would push Nevitt into games, literally. The coach and a few players would lift Nevitt out of a box and carry him to underneath the basket during timeouts. Once there, they would extend his arms at his side, spread apart his broomstick-like legs, comb his George Michael beard and hike up his short-shorts. When the game started, opposing players were forced to shoot high-arching shots over The Bearded Behemoth or dribble around him. This strategy proved successful until a soft gush of arena air-conditioning knocked Nevitt to the hardwood.
Fun fact: A crude depiction of Nevitt's penis, drawn to scale, is seen on the side and bottom of this card.


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