Lenny Dykstra, Dale Murphy, 1991 Donruss

Names: Lenny Dykstra, aka Dr. Dirt; Dale Murphy, aka Mr. Clean
Team: Philadelphia Phillies
Positions: Outfielders
Value of card: 10 percent off your next dry-cleaning bill
Key 1990 stat: One picture taken at a JC Penney photo studio
Look out, it's The Matchup:

Round 1: Alliteration in fake name (Winner: Dykstra)
Round 2: Presentability (Winner: Murphy)
Round 3: Bulge (Winner: Dykstra)
Round 4: Made-up doctorate degrees (Winner: Dykstra)
Round 5: Awkwardness (Winner: Tie)
Round 6: Mock turtlenecks (Winner: Dykstra)
Round 7: Veiny wrists (Winner: Murphy)

Score: Dykstra 4, Murphy 2 (Ties, 1)

Synopsis: Despite having a very, very noticeable edge in height and veins, Murphy (and the rest of us) can't overcome Dykstra's absurd, dirt-covered bulge.


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