12.08.2009

Jim Abbott, Taz, 1993 Upper Deck Looney Tunes

Names: Jim Abbott, Taz
Teams: California Angels, The World Umpires Association
Positions: Ace, umpire
Value of card: Two doodles of genitalia
Key 1992 stat: One nonsensical headline
It's time for The Matchup:

Round 1: Calm temperament (Winner: Abbott)
Round 2: Bulge (Winner: Abbott)
Round 3: Number of hands (Winner: Taz)
Round 4: Double chin (Winner: Tie)
Round 5: Facial hair (Winner: Taz)
Round 6: Looniness (Winner: Taz)
Round 7: Beer gut (Winner: Taz)

Score: Taz 4, Abbott 2 (Ties, 1)

Synopsis: After staking an early lead, Abbott falls in integral categories "facial hair" and "beer gut," meaning Taz wins, hands down.

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1 comment:

  1. Don't you mean "hand down"? And why is the "ump" on the mound? And "what's" with the "quote marks" around the "head"line? So many questions.

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