12.23.2009

Earl Cunningham, 1990 Topps

Name: Earl Cunningham
Teams: Chicago Cubs, Lancaster (S.C.) Bruins
Positions: Outfield, one knee
Value of card: One outfield sponsorship from Lancaster TrueValue Hardware
Key 1989 stat: Reached pinnacle of his baseball career
Top 10 reasons Earl Cunningham never reached the Show:

10) One leg stopped at the knee, making running difficult
9) He never could get out from under the shadow of his brother, Richie
8) He was too intimidated by Rick Sutcliffe's beard
7) He was caught using steroids to enhance his bulge
6) He never could find his other batting glove
5) Manager Dom Zimmer kept getting him confused with basketball star Earl "the Pearl" Monroe
4) His insatiable love for pimento loaf caused him to balloon up to 342 pounds by the age of 20
3) He knew his future baseball card photos would never be as good as this one
2) He was tired of playing for teams named after varieties of bears
1) The Cubs were so awash in talent and wins that they never needed him
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