12.18.2009

Andy Van Slyke, 1993 Topps Stadium Club

Name: Andy Van Slyke
Team: Pittsburgh Pirates
Positions: Outfield, wino
Value of card: $2 coupon for a bottle of Night Train
Key 1992 stat: One liver transplant
Have another one, you lush: For shame, Andy Van Slyke. Sure, everyone has smelled the hooch on your breath in the locker room, but this time you've gone too far. What, that bottle of Thunderbird couldn't wait until after the game? You're a mess, tripping over the AstroTurf, having your third base coach carry you off the field, and likely soiling yourself in the process. What kind of example are you setting for the children, taking the field with a flask of cherry-flavored vodka under your cap, already drunk on fortified wine and tallboys of Natty Ice? You disgust me, sir.
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2 comments:

  1. Agreed. Van Slyke was my favorite player because of his defensive skills. What a stud!

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  2. Van Slyke was a drunk, but a great player none the less. Imagine what he would have been without the hootch.

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