John Kruk, 1987 Topps

Name: John Kruk
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Outfield
Value of card: Four cans of Keystone Ice
Key 1986 stat: One paunch
Virility, redefined: This, my friends, is a baseball player. The slumped shoulders, the protruding gut, the complete lack of muscle tone, the blank stare, the pasty skin — all of it adds up to the perfect athlete. John Kruk could mow through a pitching staff just as easily as he could pound a turkey leg. What's most impressive is how Kruk kept his Adonis-like form throughout his playing days — while adding stunning hairstyles — and even into a broadcasting gig once his playing days were over. Cheers, John Kruk!

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