Eddie Whitson, 1989 Topps

Name: Eddie Whitson
Team: San Diego Padres
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: Dirt (it's brown, at least)
Key 1988 stat: Five garbage truck routes on Wednesdays
10 things fans yelled at Eddie Whitson while he warmed up Sept. 23, 1989:
10) "Hey, Eddie, you delivered that package to the neighbor's?"
9) "It's nice you wore a nondescript brown jacket to hide your coveralls."
8) "Anybody ever tell you that you dress like Pete Vuckovich?"
7) "No, no, no. Having your hair on your forehead under your hat is a great look."
6) "It's impressive how your mustache extends to the inside of your mouth."
5) "Hey, the Padres' owner wanted me to tell you thanks for dressing up for the occasion."
4) "I can't believe your sideburns are made of elementary school chalkboard erasers."
3) "You still stink like this morning's garbage route."
2) "If your ears were any lower, they'd be on your neck."
1) "Wow. It is intimidating to be in the presence of such a sculpted, superior athlete."