Name: Tom Selleck
Team: New York Yankees
Positions: First base, private investigator
Value of card: One tin of mustache wax
Key 1991 stat: One mediocre baseball movie
No platoon necessary: After missing the postseason for yet another season, the New York Yankees were ready for a shake-up. While general manager Gene Michael made a blockbuster trade sending Don Mattingly to the White Sox for Frank Thomas, owner George Steinbrenner clandestinely signed actor Tom Selleck to a one-year contract after seeing Selleck's latest movie, "Mr. Baseball." His employees tried their hardest to inform Steinbrenner that Selleck had never actually played professional baseball, but The Boss stuck to his guns. "With a mustache like that," Steinbrenner was heard to say, "this guy can't miss." Selleck proceeded to bat .112 over his first 20 games while Thomas sat stoically on the bench. Michael realized what he needed to do. Thomas and Mattingly were quietly moved back to their original teams, Mattingly was forced to wear a Hawaiian shirt, a la "Magnum, P.I.," and Michael abducted Selleck by offering him a ride to the set of the latest "Three Men and a Baby" sequel — only to lock him in an empty shipping container in Long Island. Steinbrenner never caught on.