9.19.2009

Gene Larkin, 1989 Donruss

Name: Gene Larkin
Team: Minnesota Twins
Position: Designated hitter
Value of card: One jar of Nads
Key 1988 stat: 161 lives changed
A selfless slugger: Sure, the smaller-minded among us might laugh at this card. "Check out Larkin's monobrow," we might say. "It looks like his forehead is wearing a toupee," we might snicker. "How did his moustache get above his eyes?" we might ask. The truth is, Gene Larkin was a selfless man. At a time when most ballplayers were overly concerned with grooming and style, Larkin stepped up to the plate and became an eyebrow donor. Every year, thousands of young people across this country drunkenly fall asleep on a friend's couch only to wake up sans eyebrows. To some, it's a practical joke, but many victims don't know where to turn. Larkin and fellow major leaguer Mike Harkey provided an invaluable service to these unfortunate few, being able to harvest half of their forehead carpets to donate to the browless. We here at the Bust salute you, Gene Larkin, and your bushy benefaction.
However: Squatting is always funny.
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