Andre Hastings, 1993 Upper Deck Star Rookie (Football Friday No. 9)

Name: Andre Hastings
Team: Pittsburgh Steelers
Position: Wide receiver
Value of card: Ask your sister
Key 1992 stat: One life-scarring photo session
Text from conversation between Andre Hastings and Upper Deck photographer, May 14, 1993:
Upper Deck photographer: "Good to meet you, Andre. I like your flattop. It's very radical."
Andre Hastings: "Thank you, sir. I've had it since I was a kid. My father used to rest his beer on it before he wee-wee'd in the closet."
UDP: "That's nice. Now please sit on your helmet."
AH: "Sit on my helmet? Why? Can't I run a route or catch a pass?"
UDP: "No, son, that's so 1991 Fleer. We here at Upper Deck like to show a player's, um, humanity."
AH: "OK, you're the professional."
UDP: "Great. You look good on that helmet. Now, spread 'em."
AH: "Excuse me?"
UDP: "Your legs. Spread 'em."
AH: "This is a football card shoot right?"
UDP "No, it's for Young Studs in Pads magazine. (awkward laugh) Of course this is a football card shoot."
(15 seconds of silence)
UDP: "Are you going to spread 'em or do I have to come over and do it for you, sweetie?"
AH: "Um, I think I should go get Coach."
UDP: "Don't be silly. We're just a couple of guys, having a good time, snapping a few pics. Care for a wine cooler?"
AH: "No ... no. Why do you have wine coolers in your camera bag?"
UDP: "Son, when you've been in this business as long as me you never know what's going to pop up. ... See what I mean. (points down)
AH: "You're a freak, man. I'm out. This is crazy."
UDP: "Hold on. Hold. Spread 'em ... annnnnnnd smile."
(Upper Deck photographer snaps photo)


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