7.27.2009

Pete Harnisch, 1989 Donruss

Name: Pete "Goose" Harnisch
Teams: Baltimore Orioles, one-half of a sweaty, studly volleyball team
Positions: Ace, Wingman
Value of card: Two Righteous Brothers cassettes
Key 1988 stat: 4(g) inverted dive with a MiG28 (yes, inverted, at 2 meters — make that 1 ½)
"Top Gun" on the mound: Pete "Goose" Harnisch was obsessed with speed. Everything he did was fast. He threw fast, his work on the mound was fast, his lovemaking was fast. Pro scouts said this need, this need for speed, was something with which he was born. They couldn't have been more wrong. (The chorus of Kenny Loggins' "Danger Zone" starts blaring at 160 decibels.) Before baseball, Harnisch was a hotshot Navy pilot. Though not as reckless as his "partner," Maverick, he was known as a rebel of the skies with a taste for danger and whiskey. He sang love songs in bars, smirked when angry commanders berated his flying, and mastered a wicked serve for matches on the beach volleyball court. (Loggins' "Playing with the Boys" plays in its entirety during a slow-motion scene of Maverick and Goose frolicking in the sand with Iceman and Slider, two Brewers relievers.) Harnisch romanced women from coast to coast, including Meg Ryan. (Berlin's "Take My Breath Away" plays softly in background.) He wore his fighter-pilot mustache with pride and always had a smart-aleck remark for his naysayers. ("The defense department regrets to inform you that you sons are dead because they were stupid.") Harnisch defined his life in two ways: (1) speed, and (2) having a raging fire in his heart tonight, growing higher and higher in his soul, moving that raging fire into the sky tonight, then riding on the silver dove, far into the night. Harnisch lived a rock 'n' roll lifestyle. He partied hard, flew and threw fast, and played his Miami Sound Machine cassettes loud. For Harnisch, the music never stopped, because he was bad at pressing eject.

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3 comments:

  1. You know whats funny to me? That you who wrote this probably didn't play past little league. Or youve probably never met Pete. He is a great guy. and also if he was a bust why was he an allstar?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Somebody's resemblance to Anthony Edwards is no laughing matter, apparently.

      Connor doesn't get it. Laugh at him.

      Delete
    2. Pete will be pleased to hear that you've got his back, Connor.

      Delete