Mike Harkey, 1989 Topps

Name: Mike Harkey
Team: Chicago Cubs
Position: Pitcher
Value of card: One personal groomer
Key 1988 stats: 31 psychiatric evaluations conducted
Here's a question: What do you see when you look at Mike Harkey's face? A butterfly? People doing the deed? Another, smaller, more hairy face? Look, mock Harkey's Rorschach-esque monobrow-mustache combo all you want; it saved the Cubs thousands of dollars in psychiatric therapy in 1988. When slugger Andre "The Hawk" Dawson lost his groove at the plate, skipper Don Zimmer had him stare at a photo of an unshaven Harkey for 20 minutes. Dawson's inner demons were quieted; he went on to hit .303 with 24 homers that year. During one July outing, Rick "Red Baron" Sutcliffe lost the strike zone, beaning three batters, one umpire and the San Diego Chicken in one inning. Pitching coach (not making this up) Dick Pole sat the Baron on the bench next to Harkey. Sutcliffe struck out the next 14 hitters he faced.
Not making this up, either: Harkey's pitching career was cut short when he tore up his knee while doing cartwheels during pre-game warmups in September 1992. Seriously.

1 comment:

  1. Harkey's long-kept secret is that he is related to JoJo the Dog-faced Boy, and that his eyebrows are actually a second mustache. Also, he gave Dick Pole rabies, but not by biting him.