6.17.2009

Gus Zernial, 1952 Topps

Name: Gus "Six-Pack" Zernial
Team: Philadelphia Athletics
Position: Left field
Value of card: $6.06
Key 1951 stats: Six home runs, six RBIs, six doubles, six triples, six walks, six errors, six A-OK signs
A man approaches a woman at a bar in 1952 and says: "Well, hello there, baby cakes, I'm Gus Zernial, a slugger with the Philadelphia Athletics. Ask just about any chap in this place and he'll tell ya I'm a big deal. I get paid to hit homers, or 'home runs,' to a gal like you who probably doesn't pay much attention to sports. This guy (points to man at the other end of the bar) probably gets paid to repair cotton gins. What a square. But look, sweetheart, I'm not here to talk; I'm a man of action. A man of action who had a romantic encounter with Marilyn Monroe. Yes, that Marilyn Monroe. (Gives A-OK sign with left hand.) But don't think my ruggedly handsome good looks and cocksure strut make me unapproachable, hot lips. I could be your Spencer Tracy, except a Spencer Tracy who's a helpless sex fiend (slaps woman's rear end; woman starts walking away). Wait ... wait ... don't leave, honey pie. Don't you want to know why I'm in a gin joint carrying this baseball bat with six balls attached to it, breaking the laws of physics? (Follows woman around tavern yelling at back of her head.) Well, darling, it's simple. I once got to sixth base, both on the ball field and in the bedroom. Hey, where ya going buttercup?" (Woman leaves bar. Zernial shatters jukebox with baseball-studded bat.)

Card submitted by Jennifer Christian

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2 comments:

  1. I bet his glove is full of cork.

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's not an authentic card is it? If so, that's in GREAT shape for being a '52. It looks like a reprint, but I could be wrong ...

    ReplyDelete