Bruce Sutter, 1984 Topps Purina Dog Chow Insert

Name: Bruce Sutter
Team: St. Louis Cardinals
Positions: Closer, hunter
Value of card: Three pounds of beard hair
Key 1983 stat: One plane crash survived
Welcome back, Sutter: Feeling there was something missing from his life, Bruce Sutter signed up to fly aid packages to South America during the winter of 1983-84. It made for great publicity, what with Sutter being a reliever, but things went horribly wrong when the pitcher's plane went down off the coast of Chile in December. A search turned up no survivors, and his wife and teammates were heartbroken. But Sutter was not dead. He washed ashore on a tiny island inhabited by a strange tribe that hunted by throwing round stones at birds and allowed ferrets to nest in their massive beards. Sutter, whose facial hair was already prodigious, adapted quickly. He dined on terns, gained 5 mph on his fastball and adopted a young black-footed ferret he named Buttons. In short, he gave up hope of going home. Fate intervened when Steven Spielberg and crew showed up in March to scout the location for "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom," only to find the loin cloth-clad, half-feral closer shivering in a cave. Sutter was rushed home just in time for photo day at spring training, as seen above. Tragically, his wife had already moved on, marrying the historically homely Willie McGee.

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